Andrea 44 – 44 days, lined up for 6 weeks (at home), with the remainder of 2. In or out. In: we have built our habits, we move nimbly, we smart work and we see our children, those who get on our heads during the videocalls that we somehow manage to follow. Out: they cannot come, the world moves less easily, because the medical mask sometimes slips, gloves must be changed often, and work is not so smart if a colleague appears closer in videocall than at distance of three meters.
In: we learned that we must open the fridge in order to eat, that pans are under the stove and that we wash the dishes with hot water at 80° to sterilize them. Out, today, restaurants are closed, we can’t bring the fridge with us, and the hygiene of food and dishes is not up to us. In: the curve of the infected is something we watch on tv, it is flattening, but more in the South, while in Lombardy and Piedmont the curve is stable. Out: the curve of the infected becomes the reality of the ambulances that are still seen and heard a lot, and your friends and colleagues still have the face of suspects, and the imaginary purple halo of those 90s anti-AIDS campaigns. Inside we have small gyms, without equipment and next to the sofa or in the damp of a garage, outside the gyms are still closed. In: we have the clarity of thinking of how to organize the outside. Out: there is the stress and the tension of doing things without ending up in (the hospitals). Inside we are all fighting together. Outside, we start to fight on who should go out and who should still stay inside. Inside we are reflecting on one thing: is it really right to already be thinking about going out?
Miriam 44 – Difficult diary for me tonight, and the choice of theme didn’t help. In fact, it put me up against the wall, it made me face a thought that has been messing up with my head for a few days now, an harassing thought that until 8.40 pm this evening I had managed to evade. I must confess it to you, dear Andre, and a little to myself as well. The “outside” that I can conceive today, in this forty-fourth day of imprisonment (and 20th day without even going grocery shopping) is what I see in front of my house when I open the window. My outside consists of a lemon tree, three tangerine trees, a large walnut tree that in these days emanates a scent reminiscing of late spring, half-sleeved shirts, beer, the days where the sun sets very late. I can go as far as to consider “outside” the garden with the chickens with a view on valley deserted and silent, so much to “be frightening”, as Vittoria said today while we were collecting eggs. If someone had told me, three months ago, that one day in my life, when faced with the question “in or out” I would have answered, without a doubt, “In”, me, the “trottolinasempreinviaggio”, I would have said they were crazy. Today I realize, and I confess, that I cannot see myself outside, but above all I don’t want to. I am not ready.